Hello, hi, how are you?
It’s been a while.
I used to blog very regularly, but lately life has gotten in the way.
In April, I turned twenty-five.
In April, I celebrated my husband and I’s fifth wedding anniversary.
In April, my dad became critically ill and still is.
Since then, I’ve flown on a plane from North Carolina to Idaho, where my dad is.
I sit by his bedside, not knowing if he can hear me, for nine to ten hours a day – then I go rest, try to find my sanity and serenity, and repeat the day once more.
Did I mention it’s also my first time traveling alone, over two-thousand miles away from home? Or the fact that I packed for four days of travel, not thirteen plus days?
This is a public blog, so I don’t intend to share over personal details about all this, but it’s my place to share my thoughts and such.
The internet can be a vicious place.
But I also have people who read my blog who’ve wondered where I have been – well, this is pretty much my life right now.
I have ideas for a future blogpost about what I’ve learned by traveling solo and some tips and advice I’ve learned myself along the way …. perhaps soon I can work on that.
In the evenings, I have about two and a half hours of free time to chill, relax, go grocery shopping, etc.
I’m sure I could squeeze a blogpost in as well.
Obviously, my heart has broken over and over on this unexpected road my life is on at the moment – but, I’ve also grown as a person.
As an individual.
As a human.
It’s hard to be away from everything you know, especially your spouse and home, “your” little bubble of life.
But sometimes that space between what we know and the unknown is what grows us as people.
I wish the circumstances were different. Of course, I’d rather not see my dad on a ventilator, wondering what the outcome will be.
But this is my life right now.
It’s in this space I’ve been learning, unlearning, and growing.
Sometimes all I can do is simply breathe in and breathe out, laying or standing there, simply ….. alive.
But even in this uncharted part of life’s sea, I’m pushing forward, I’m fighting my way to the end of this dark and lonely tunnel that never seems to end.
At twenty-five, I thought my life would be so different, in many different ways.
But we can’t plan every aspect of life, and when you have a spouse, not every decision is completely yours to make.
I’m not sure how this journey ends – I just know I’m on the boat.
And so far, that boat hasn’t sunk in any of the storms.
My faith is as small as a mustard seed.
But we’ve seen what can happen with faith as small as that, haven’t we?
Onward to whatever lies ahead.