2021: A Painful, But Necessary, Year in My Life

How are we already in 2022???

It seems like last year flew by, even though for me personally 2021 was a year that I will never forget.

A lot was packed into one little year:

I turned 25.

I went on a trip with a friend.

I traveled out west.

I spent many weeks by my dads side as he fought for his life, all alone, over 2,500 miles from home.

I ultimately lost my dad.

I re-developed an eating disorder that I had previously fought and won against back in high school.

My marriage hit many waves and almost faltered a few times.

I graduated my college program.

I turned to alcohol for comfort more than I ever have in my life.

I made a leap of faith from a well paying job, to a job with less pay but one I felt God leading me towards.

I had more than a handful of very low, very lonely days where all I wanted was to wake up in Heaven.

There were many spiritual battles fought.

and ….

I ended another year without conceiving a child.

As much of a struggle as 2021 was, I can also say that I grew as a person. A lot.

If I had to label 2021, I’d label it “a painful, but necessary, year”.

There were times I really grew in my faith and became filled with the Holy Spirit; and there were times I abandoned my faith and lost all hope.

A huge lesson I learned was this: we can plan our life out exactly how we want it to be, but that is all we can do.

Ultimately, Christ is going to give and take away as He chooses and there is nothing we can do to stop that.

And …. we shouldn’t try to stop His plans, because His plans will always be greater than our own, even if we do not understand them.

Even if they are painful.

I eventually noticed last year that every time my life, marriage, or faith was about to be torn apart was exactly the times I was furtherest from Christ in my life.

It was every time I was leaning on myself.

It was every time I had walked away from Christ.

It was every time I thought I knew better than Him.

Christ never forsakes us – we are the ones who forsake Him, abandon Him, and lock Him out of our lives.

But He chooses Grace every time.

He patiently waits for us to turn back around.

And when we do, we find Him with open arms ready to take us back.

Ready to fix our brokenness.

To make us whole again, and place us back on our feet.

Knowing that it’s just a matter of time before we once again run back shattered and broken.

But He takes us back, time and time again.

He forgives us, over and over.

He extends grace, each and every time.

I don’t know what 2022 holds for my life, but I know the One that does.

Sometimes my heart grows very anxious about another year, another 365 days where anything can happen …. but then I pause.

I remind myself that not once does the Bible say to worry, stress, or try to figure everything out – but over and over it clearly says to trust God with everything.

We don’t have to know what tomorrow will bring.

We just have to know the One that already holds tomorrow in His hands.

~ Autumn

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written by a 20-something wife who loves Jesus 🤍

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